This is going to be a bit of a departure from my normal posts. I am writing about forgiveness. From the Greek for “letting go”, forgiveness is a difficult concept for many of us to grasp. Many of us think that it’s like the saying, ‘forgive and forget.’ No, that’s not true. You don’t to forget the past. However, you need to put it in the past where it belongs so it doesn’t mess with your present and your future.
For many years, I’ve been afraid to visit my family in Boston. I avoided them. I made excuses. I just didn’t want to deal with the feelings they brought up in me. I had significant trauma surrounding it. I won’t bore you with the details here. It’s not important. Not anymore and that’s the truth.
This past weekend, I went to visit my mom and dad and sisters. I have two brothers who don’t live in the area. I got to spend one on one time with everyone. I asked for forgiveness and got it. I realized that I wasn’t easy to live with. I saw them for the flawed people they are and forgave myself for being a flawed individual too. I’m not perfect. Nobody is and you know what that’s okay with me now. I hope it always stays that way for me.
I think it will. When my mother extended her arm and told me that she remembered everything about me in her heart because she’s always loved me unconditionally, I cried. I am tearing up as I type these words. I love my mother. She is the type of person who will give a stranger the shirt off her back. She is that kind. She is going through a difficult time, and she’s lonely. I don’t want her to be. I am going to be a better daughter to her and my dad from now on.
I am planning a trip to Boston again in January. I want to see them more often. I felt loved and appreciated. I felt heard and I believe they did too. It was a beautiful experience. You can go home again. You can heal the past. You just have to be open to it. I don’t want to lose more years like the ones I’ve lost so I won’t.
We make time for the things that are important to us and my family bonds are important to me. I know this now. It’s part of who I am and I wouldn’t have gotten there without forgiveness in my heart. Forgiveness is NOT weak. It’s extremely powerful. I will be a better person, a better coach, a better parent and a better daughter and sibling because of it. I feel so much joy thinking about it that my heart may burst. That’s a beautiful thing.
I really feel 160 lbs lighter now. That’s pretty amazing, don’t you think?