The Four Agreements – Don’t Take Things Personally

The second of the Four Agreements states “Don’t take things personally.” That’s really hard to do. For me, it’s the hardest of the Four Agreements. I have always taken things personally. However, I understand how it has caused me pain.

The truth of the matter is that when someone is doing something harmful or ‘attacking’ you verbally, it usually has more to do with something going on for them, than it does with you. It’s them spewing their shit verbally. Don’t let it stick to you.

You know who you are and what your intent is in any given moment. Sometimes, it’s hard to realize that others may not see or understand you. However, you must be strong and understand and see yourself for the amazing creature you are.

  • You are amazing.
  • You are wonderful.
  • You are enough.

As Don Miguel Ruiz, the creator of the Four Agreements says about not taking things personally:

  1. Nothing others do is because of you.
  2. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream.
  3. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.

Nothing Others Do Is Because of You

This is a hard concept to grasp, but it is so very true. When a person is spewing venom on you, they are coming from a very negative place in their own personality. They may be ‘attacking’ you, but it is not about you. They are hurting. They are upset. They are in their own negative space. You are not to blame for their words of their actions. This is on them. Let it remain there. This will help you put things into perspective and not feel their pain as your own. It’s not up to you to fix them or blame yourself for what’s going on. Let it be their issue because you don’t own this. They do.

What Others Say and Do Is A Projection of Their Own Reality, Their Own Dream

We all have our own realities. They are carefully constructed by the experiences we have in our lives. Your reality will be very different from someone else’s. The way a person chooses to react or act within their reality is not your concern or problem. If they are not being skillful or choosing their words carefully to neither harm not hurt, that is not your fault. That is their issue and their choice. You make different choices and can take comfort in the fact that you are doing the best you can while also seeing that they are doing the best they can in their given circumstance. There’s no judgment, just acceptance, but DO NOT ACCEPT that you deserve mistreatment. You can walk away or tell the person that you are not willing to listen to or take on their issues or concerns.

When You Are Immune to the Opinions and Actions of Others, You Won’t Be the Victim of Needless Suffering

When you can learn to not take things personally, you will feel free to be yourself and love yourself. You will not be the subject of others’ whims and actions. You will be able to stand your own ground in difficult situations. You will be empowered, not victimized. Standing in your own power, you will be unstoppable. Next week, we will go onto the Third Agreement. I look forward to continuing this process with you. If you’d like to learn more about the Four Agreements, feel free to visit my Facebook page at