One of my biggest fears

The other day I was looking through my online support groups on Facebook. I saw someone mention that they were a few years out of the bariatric surgery and couldn’t understand why they were gaining the weight back. They mentioned they weren’t exercising as much and eating ‘forbidden foods’.

I had to hold back my anger. Yes, a life coach can get angry. I’m still a human being. When I thought about why I was angry, I realized it was more fear. See, this person was expressing one of my biggest fears – that I’ll slip, fall back into my addiction and the weight will creep back on.

Even after losing 115 lbs, I fear this. I know that I’ve put in the work and the effort to lose the weight. I’ve also worked with professionals and on myself to get over the mind hunger. Mind hunger is the addiction. Food is an addiction. Particularly addiction to sugary and processed foods.

Food was the way I coped with everything – or not coped. I used it to soothe, to comfort, to stuff down what I was feeling because I felt the feelings were too painful to cope with. I wasn’t living my most authentic life. I was just existing.

Now, I live and I am a survivor. I am grateful for my life and the clarity that comes with eating well and taking care of myself. However, I feel like there’s still a monster inside of me waiting her time to come out and take over. Can I keep her at bay? Can I deal with her long-term? Am I strong enough to do this?

I don’t know all those answers. I suspect that I am. I have a workable program. I have professionals around me. I have a supportive family and I don’t honestly crave food the way I once did. I have coping mechanisms and I’m not so scared of feelings anymore.

I wish I could tell this person that they need to be aware of their behavior and that it’s possible to get help if they want it. I crave the ability to help people going through things like this. I want to show them that they can believe in their own power and they can overcome so much. Weight loss is a struggle of the mind, body and spirit. It’s not just about willpower or discipline. It’s about so much more.

I will continue my fight life-long and that’s okay. I’m up to the challenge.

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