When I split from my first husband, I was about 25 years old, maybe a little younger. He and I really shouldn’t have gotten married in the first place, but I was pregnant and Catholic – so you get the drift. Regardless, I realized that I had made a major mistake. Please note that I do not consider my son a mistake. I never regretted having him, but I did regret marrying his father and, to be fair, I think his father regretted marrying me. I haven’t asked him, but I’m pretty sure he would probably say that’s a proper assumption.
Basically, after the marriage fell apart, I decided that I need more for myself and especially for my young son. I had never thought about what I was looking for in a partner or what I was looking for inside myself. Now, I’d love to say that I’ve cracked the code of being a completely whole person on my own, but I can’t. Like everyone else, I’m a work in progress and will, hopefully, continue to progress throughout my life. I often tell clients the day we stop improving ourselves is the day we die.
I began reading all sort of books like Men Are from Mars, Women are from Venus and Smart Women, Foolish Choices and so forth and so on. I was on a mission to figure out the formula for the perfect partner. I began by making a list of my red flags – the things I would not put up with. I also made lists of my requirements and what I was willing to compromise on.
I then came up with a 16 page questionnaire based on that research – I was, after all, a history major from Tufts University – and began to look for partners who met my criteria. I began to believe that I deserved to do the choosing and not just look to be chosen. I’d love to say that everything went perfectly from that point on, but it would be an incorrect statement. Life is far from perfect, and I was not great at making decisions when it came to who I’d date. I did not inflict my choices on my young son…until I found my current husband, John.
John was different from the others. He actually filled out my questionnaire thoroughly and sent me back one to fill out on my own. Bonus! He checked off many of my boxes and I knew there were no real red flags. He had his own home, a good job and he was kind, caring, cute and sweet. Only problem was that he lived nearly 2,000 miles away in Austin, TX. I was living in the Boston, MA area.
We carried on a relationship over the phone back when flip phones were a thing and long-distance charges were insane. We spent hundreds of dollars a month on phone bills, but every night that I would hang up the phone with him, I’d immediately want to call him back. My bed felt lonely without him, and I wanted to just talk to him so more.
In May of that year, I totaled my car on the highway, and he was the first person I wanted to reach out to. He came up a few weeks later for Memorial Day. Being from Texas, he had not prepared for the cooler Massachusetts weather – and I didn’t know what Texas was like in May. We were both admittedly naïve. Regardless, when we had our first kiss, sparks flew. I felt like I could spend forever with this man.
I then introduced him to my son. They hit it off right away and, as they walked hand in hand to play my favorite game at the arcade together, I felt sad that my son uninvited me to play but thrilled that he seemed to respond to my new boyfriend. John and I then made plans for me and my son to move to Texas. We did that in August of 2001 and he and I married in October of that year. The following year, my youngest was born and our family was complete.
Life has not been a picnic and I’m still learning what it means to be my own soulmate, but I am closer than I have ever been, and I understand the protocol for being a complete person. I live it and teach it to my clients and friends.
I invite you to visit my new website called https://yourownsoulmate.com. I go into greater detail about the protocol and concept there. I will be leading an informational class on October 11th at 1pm MDT. Visit the link below to sign up for the event. Hope to see you there.
Full classes start in mid-January. If you’re interested, reach out to me at dcgoodson@gmail.com. I’d be happy to answer any questions you may have.
Deanna Goodson 